"young maturity"

I'm turning 20 this July, if you will based it on my age,you will say that i'm still young. "Young" in the sense that i'm just beginning to grow up, well actually you're wrong.If i will just tell you one by one all of my experiences in life, you would say that i'm too strong to survive it all at my age. After all, i'm so grateful to have my family with me and didn't leave me despite of all the bad things that i have done. i'm so thankful that they are still there for me whenever i need them. I'm also thankful that i have my "not so perfect boyfriend" with me. We are together for almost four years now, even if we had lots of fights he's still there listening and understanding me and most of all he did accept me and my past. I also thank my friends, even though they're not always here by my side i know that they're always here in my heart. And for all the people who didn't like me and done bad things in my past,thanks as well, you taught me not to give instant trust to any person and faced the reality that not all people whose kind to you will always be the same person when you're not in front of them.

Now, i'm beginning to face the new chapter in my life, no more school, assignments, classmates, teachers (Although i still want to go back to school and finished a degree ,'cause i only had a diploma course, i'm gonna work hard for it) but work, work, work. When i was a student i thought that's the very hardest part of our life,to go to school everyday but that's not true,this one is making me realize that this is just the start of the real life that we need to be independent,we need to stand for ourselves and make plans for our future. i'm still lucky to have a nice job, i already bought some expensive stuff for myself and i want to invest more. :)

Well, for the coming years, i just hope to be more matured,stronger and more blessed.

father's day!

When i log in on my facebook account this morning, i read a lot of greetings for their fathers. Oh yeah, it's father's day! but how will i know 'cause i don't have one? i was born and grew without knowing who my father was, well i know what's his name but i don't know what he looks like. It's kinda sad and it makes me feel envious that they have their own daddies taking care of them.

I guess he's the one whose missing in my life, I grew up without someone protects and supports me. Someone who will give me candies and chocolates when he came home. Someone who will look at my grades and tell me that he's proud of me. Someone who will say how beautiful i am. Someone who will be responsible in taking care of me. If i only grew with him, i'm sure i will not be like this, i'm still studying, just beginning to be mature planning my future. i'm sure i will not have a boyfriend at a very young age and have an unplanned pregnancy.

But all of that happened because he's not there, i cannot blame him 'cause it's not his choice but my mom whose not also there when i grow up. I just hope someday that i will be able to meet him, see if i have siblings on his side and most of all accept me as his eldest daughter and be proud of me. If that time will come, i'll let him read this blog.

Happy Father's Day tatay! :')

who is he?

This "unknown" guy is always in my dream, i always see him hugging me and make me feel so in love.. well, what does he looks? he's tall, his body is average and fair skin but i always don't see his whole face except for his smile. This past few days i just dream of him like he was my boyfriend, holding hands while walking, laughing at each other's joke but last night was different, we already had a child haha! it's funny but that's what my dream was..

Well, i just wrote this blog 'cause i'm feeling so alone right now. every time i woke up and dreamed of him i feel so broken that i don't know who he was. it's like something's or someone's missing in my life. I hope one time i would see his face.